/ Senin, 30 Desember 2013 /

So I got you thousands stories to tell.

One was coming up this night.

Tonight was my very first time to meet his brother. Just having some dinner with the three of us; me, him, and his brother, his older one.

And then it stroke me hard.

The sudden realisation of how bad I am on handling one-on-one conversation. I mean, I'm good at group sharing, talking to plural persons in group. But to get myself on a face-to-face talk? Oh no. I'm suck at it.

It will be an awkward silent hanging between the two of us. And the next thing happened is they (he/she) will try to open a topic, and me will tend to answer them with only-a-word-answer. And that's it. Happen for about certain times and we give up.

So tonight, in the middle of our dinner, he was too busy with his phone. Leaving me and his brother in silence that I'd enjoy, but just kind of impolite to just keep in silent. I'm trying up to start conversation and that's just like I have no mind, no brain to think what to say next. And that's it.

It happens often, just fyi, as if you say I was just nervous for meeting one of his family. No. It's not like that. It seems to happen to every one-on-one conversation I had.

I happen to be that awkward girl.

So in my way back from his home to mine, I'd been surprised once again for the thought I have in my mind.

Later that his brother left only the two of us (his brother's on the other motorcycle). We talk much. It's not that I've been a-four-years-or-so-relationship. It's not that I've shared hundreds hours with him. It's not that we've texted for more than million.

It's just because I am me when I'm with him.

Really it was tonight that I found from our first we met until that very moment, I never experienced any kind of those awkward feeling with him. I'll always be the girl with thousands things to say whenever I'm with him, even if it's only the two of us. We talk much. Whether it's about the traffic, his family, mine, the restaurant we should visit on our next date, his finance (that almost always followed by his sigh and me telling him for my fuckin' hundred times not to waste money on useless things), the people, just whatever that crosses in my mind. And even sometimes I just get him say ooh, or weird expression on his face, I would still keep talking.

And maybe it's what makes him special.

That maybe I'm really enjoying be in solitary. That maybe I have this unstoppable mind to talk by herself, leave me as a thinker-not-talker. That maybe I enjoy having my self alone as much as people love to talk with others. That maybe I'm really sucks at handling personal conversation.

But maybe he's different.

Maybe, just maybe, he acts the way my mind does.

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