Messed Up.

/ Sabtu, 07 Mei 2011 /

I just went to my bath room, and thought of this kind of shits. I cried and I didn't know why.

I wonder how it would be if there's no us. If you and I didn't meet before. If you and me had our own way. Would it be different? I'm wondering.
Then I realized, it would be as fine as this. Or maybe better. We're not holding each other hand, so why were we afraid of walking all alone. We're not completing one to another so why were we afraid of losing our half-soul.
What we're only afraid of is the word alone itself. I'm not ready for passing those days without your message. I am not ready for being totally alone, finding myself has no one to be right beside me. You did nothing, I know. You did never hold my hands and said everything we'll be alright. You did never wipe my tears and say I'll be absolutely fine. No. I fought for my own life. And I know you never be there.

I'm choosing to stay. Not to leave. I am choosing to not be alone. Such a coward. You deserve to get more than this. I'm asking you to leave. To be more than a fool coward like me. To find someone that can understand you as well as you understand her.

It's not the side of me that you've expected before. And that's not you that I've wished before. It's kind of relationship we're never dreaming of.

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