Years Later

/ Sabtu, 07 September 2013 /

It's been awhile. I even had forgotten my blog password and wasted my night try my common combination of password.

I lately be a silent reader of someone's blog containing lot of her achievements of life in her very young old. She has gone aboard for at least twice to represent Indonesia on debate contests, the second one is to be Indonesian represent of Outstanding Student of The World (the hell is that?!) Read all her point of view of life; strict laws of Afghanistan governor, took some points of Finland educational system and compared it with ours, re-write the breathtaking poets of Pablo Neruda- that I usually read only in my timeline, qouted by a fancy journalist I happened to follow years ago, leaving a question on my head who's Pablo Neruda on the earth. And read how that kind of perfect life also has its own difficulties. I have no time comparing that perfect life to mine. But now when I have nothing to do but laying on my bed, a sudden realisation comes and strikes me right over my head. How old I am right now? I'm almost sure I'll be 19 exactly a month from now.

But there I am. Stuck in my average-if I can't say a-little-beyond-the-average- life. I achieved nothing in my life. I joined on some organizations but do only what I supposed to do- nothing more nothing less. I have no ambition. I crave for nothing but a life with a kind husband who'll be able to afford good books to read and good shirts to used for me and my two cute children. But then what? My mom keeps telling me that I should afford my own money, that I should have my own house for guarantee, that us, women should not rely on our husband's shoulder but stand in our own feet. Then it comes to me, what will I be?

What will I be years from now? I'll soon be a fresh graduate and had to decide how will I design my life's path. Build my own life. What will be happening next year? Or two years later?

Do I still have those very kind friends in my phone contact? Do we still share the same grateful feeling for finding each others? Spending almost everyday at least only say hi on LINE?

Do I still have this lovely family with whom I shared my almost 19 years with? Do I still have those little arguments on which tv program to watch with my brother and my mom? Do they keep telling me to do some diet program and take a little exercise everyday? Do it's still us living in this warm building I called home since I was about 10?

Do I still have him? Do his non-sense good morning still wake me up every single morning? Does our maturity, much later, leaving us to be two busy human-beings, forgetting our old jokes and lame conversations about nothing?

And beyond everything;

Do I still have myself to rely on almost everything? Do I still believe on my own self? Do I still have those hours of having a self-thought-and-talk?

So from now on, it brings me a decision to just live. To enjoy every moment I experienced, every glance I took. Mean every smile I made, listen every stories I heard, absorb every knowledges I learned.

Wish me luck, again.

Break some legs! Be free and young! Let's jump and boom, fly!

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